change but change nothing

i need to rant

i feel like this huge humongous thing on me.
i need you to trust me
i am not like them and i wished you'd believed.

what if i cant anymore;
what if one day i decide this is not worth it.


im contemplating on what i should take/do.
why.
because i set standards high
because i want to.
so now its not because im afraid i wont do right
im afraid i dont meet my own--

sidetrack;
im learning not to depend,-
too much-
at all-


i know its going to be this fuuiishing thud and void when it comes but this is like a roll isnt it.
of all days the sort of good became the worst.
or maybe its the best-i dont know how,
but its high time for me to pick up my shoes and tie my own lace, for you, to feel this thud and void-i hope.
Maybe then i'll learn to be more like you and you like me.
Id understand you better.
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